Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

In the vast majority of cases, people approach life from a perspective that assumes they are correct, and that anyone who does not agree with them is wrong. Even when one attempts to escape this perspective, it usually doesn’t go further than giving people the benefit of the doubt, allowing the space for people to have their own opinions. However, this doesn’t get to the root of the issue: “Deep down, we believe that the problem, put simply, is them” (26). Perhaps, in our disagreements, we think that the other person is selfish or naïve; perhaps they are controlling or selfish. When we attempt to confront the person with whom we are in disagreement, emphasizing our own truth leads inevitably to the argument.

The reality, however, is that this is a half-truth. In many instances, our perspective actually makes sense and follows its own logic; the problem is that we fail to see this reality from a bird’s eye view and recognize that the other party’s truth resonates as well: “What we are saying does make sense. What’s often hard to see is that what the other person is saying also makes sense” (28). The tension between individuals in these difficult conversations arises when narratives and perspectives clash.