The Art of Gathering

Chapter 2 focuses on two aspects of gathering: how to make decisions about who to include, and where to host. For Parker, deciding on attendees is about much more than making a guest list. The list of those who take part in a gathering is directly tied to its purpose, in her eyes. Over-inclusion suggests a lack of purpose, a problem narrowing it, or a lack of commitment to it. The result is detrimental for guests: “the thoughtful gatherer understand that inclusion can in fact be uncharitable, and exclusion generous” (36). As far as Parker is concerned, this means that people should be fully comfortable with excluding people from a gathering. She concedes that this runs counter to the urge most people have to be open, accommodating, and inclusive in their gatherings.

Parker uses a variety of anecdotes to support her claims about creating the guest list for a gathering. Some are personal, and others are drawn from her professional life. One concerns a group of friends who decide not to allow friends-of-friends to take part in the group because its purpose is actually to give a close group a chance to hang out by exercising; it is not simply a means to work out.