The Astonishing Color of After

Pan’s novel engages with the processing, storage, and purpose of memories, particularly as they relate to the management of grief. While Leigh’s adventure through her family’s memories dominates the novel’s narrative, it is preceded by Dory’s own attempt to control memory to manage the grief she feels about her estrangement from her family and her sister’s sudden traumatic death. Brian reveals that Dory also distanced herself because she “blamed herself” for not noticing the signs that Jingling was sick; she also felt that without her sister, “there was nothing to close the rift between her and her parents” (424). Dory attempts to erase her family of origin by refusing to talk about them, answer their letters, or teach Leigh Mandarin, a language that she could use to communicate with them.

When Dory accepts Brian’s marriage proposal as a means of “running away from home” (423), she buries her grief in hope of starting a new life. As time passes, Dory reduces her memories of her family to the cruel authoritarian parents who slammed the door in her American boyfriend’s face; she makes the excuse that Leigh will not meet them because they will hurt her like they hurt Dory.