The Office of Historical Corrections

A “genius artist” disappears from the public for an extended period. People speculate about where he went, then gradually care less and less. A woman he once dated, referred to as the Model/Actress Who Dated Him a While Ago, says that she hopes he fell into a volcano.

One day, the artist reemerges and begins apologizing to people in his life. Unlike his past apologies, which were riddled with “caveat or redirection” and rarely contained actual apologies (119), his new apologies are grand and sincere. The artist has a long list of ex-wives and infidelities, who are referred to by names like Former Personal Assistant, Short-Suffering Second Ex-wife, Model/Actress, The Guy He Made Homophobic Jokes About in College but Still Asked to Suck Him off Sometimes, and more. He also has a daughter, whom he upset by asking out her SAT tutor and friend. He apologizes to all of them with grand gestures.

After his apologies, the artist sets up an art gallery replicating all the apologies and calls it Forgiveness. At the end of the gallery, he stands at the mouth of a volcano, ready to apologize to anyone who is not satisfied. He invites the people he apologized to, but most decline, feeling varying amounts of anger and embarrassment toward him.