The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss

Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt’s memoir The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss was published in 2016 by HarperCollins Publishers. The memoir focuses on Cooper learning about his mother Vanderbilt’s past experiences and how it affected her outlook on life after she suffered from a respiratory infection. In a year-long email conversation, they both reflect on their lives and losses. The book is an inspirational, family-relationship memoir that explores the themes The Importance of Strong Parent-Child Relationships, The Pitfalls of Growing Up in a Wealthy Family, and Healing From Loss. Cooper is a journalist who anchors Anderson Cooper 360° on CNN and corresponds on 60 Minutes on CBS News. He has also written the 2006 memoir Dispatches From the Edge. Vanderbilt was an artist, designer, and writer who wrote five other memoirs, including Woman to Woman (1979) and A Mother’s Story (1995), and three novels. Vanderbilt died in 2019 of stomach cancer.

This study guide refers to the 2016 paperback edition.

Content Warning: The memoir contains references to suicide and a description of the moments leading up to it. It also mentions and discusses other difficult topics such as alcohol abuse, underage drinking, anti-gay bias, domestic violence, pregnancy loss, and the loss of a child and sibling. This study guide touches on these topics and briefly mentions Errol Flynn’s 1942 statutory rape case.

Summary

Anderson Cooper begins with the statement that his mother is Gloria Vanderbilt and that he likes being a Cooper, as he does not envy the expectations that the Vanderbilt name carries. He says that Vanderbilt is a lively woman who has remained vulnerable despite the losses and pain she has endured. He reveals that she had recently been hospitalized with a respiratory infection while he was covering a story and, upon finding out, wanted to spend more time with her and learn more about her life. Thus, he started an email conversation with her over the following year, starting on her 91st birthday.

Vanderbilt begins by sharing that her father’s death created a great void in her and that she struggled with fears and insecurities. Her mother, Gloria Morgan Vanderbilt, moved the family to Paris, where she mostly ignored Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt found maternal figures in her governess Emma Keislich, whom she called “Dodo,” and her grandmother Laura Delphine Kilpatrick Morgan, whom she called “Naney.” Over time, she heard Dodo and Naney conversing together and would later learn that they were conspiring to take Vanderbilt back to America to live with her father’s sister, Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney, rather than in Germany with her mother and her mother’s lover, Prince Friedrich Hohenlohe. Their whispers made Vanderbilt fearful of her mother, and when they returned her to America, she became desperate to stay with Gertrude, whom she called “Auntie Ger,” and Dodo.

This pushed the concerned Gertrude to seek custody of her. Her mother decided to fight for custody, which Vanderbilt suspects was to save her public image as a good mother. The trial was overwhelming for Vanderbilt, as Gertrude’s lawyer wanted her to lie about her mother’s lover and other things. Though the public initially favored Vanderbilt’s mother, Gertrude’s lawyers had her maid, Marie, reveal Vanderbilt’s mother’s affair with her friend Lady Nada Milford Haven.

Cooper confesses that the scandal made him hesitate to come out as gay to Vanderbilt because of how the scandal affected her. Though she was afraid of being attracted to the same sex for a while, Vanderbilt later realized that there was nothing wrong with loving someone of the same sex. She assures her son that she has worked through her feelings with her mother and accepts him as he is.

The court ruled in favor of Gertrude but barred Dodo from seeing Vanderbilt due to her conspiring with Naney. This devastated her, but she found comfort in art and movies. Soon, she started dating boys, and she completed her First Holy Communion and confirmation into the Catholic Church. She reveals that she is no longer a practicing Catholic, but she still believes in a divine force and trusts that what happened was meant to be. Though Cooper disagrees with the latter half of her philosophy, he agrees that they accept each other’s differences on the subject.

A year after her confirmation, Vanderbilt went on a summer trip to Hollywood and Beverly Hills with her mother. After meeting multiple directors and actors, Vanderbilt became enamored with the scene and stayed longer. Her desire to find a strong man who loved her led her to date several older men. She started a relationship with the violent Pat DeCicco but, with Howard Hughes’s help, was able to get him out of her life. The two started a romance, but it ended when Pat returned and angrily demanded that she marry him. Insecure and unsure of what else to do, she did. Auntie Ger, who disapproved of the marriage, died a few months later. Vanderbilt reveals that she found Auntie Ger’s letters later on, which detailed her love for her niece. The three-year marriage was abusive, and after hearing a man talk about her marriage on the train, Vanderbilt ended the marriage. After her 21st birthday, she helped her mother, Dodo, and Naney and soon began a romance and marriage with an older conductor named Leopold Stokowski, who encouraged her to cut her mother off. They had two sons, Stan and Chris, but she left Leopold after learning that he lied about his past because she felt she could not trust him. She then met Sidney Lumet, who would become her third husband. Vanderbilt tells Cooper that she realized she was restless and could not be satisfied, another result of growing up without her father.

Cooper explains his father Wyatt Cooper’s background, and Vanderbilt tells the story of how she and Wyatt met and fell in love before marrying. She reveals that she had a miscarriage before the birth of Cooper’s brother Carter and that Wyatt helped her through it. He also helped her learn how to be a parent, as he was attentive and caring. He later had two heart attacks and, in 1978, died from heart surgery complications. This was difficult for the family, with Vanderbilt feeling insecure about her parenting skills and Cooper no longer feeling safe without his father.

Vanderbilt questions whether she should have died instead, but Cooper tells her that she cannot know if things would have been different and that she was essential in making him the man he is. Vanderbilt then details her bittersweet reconciliation with her mother after their estrangement but notes that they never truly connected before her death. She also reunited with Dodo in her adolescent years; she wrote to her and had her join her after she married Pat. She was there during her marriage to Leopold as well, but then they grew distant. As Wyatt did not seem to like her, she stopped communicating with her. She received a letter from her using the alias Emily Prescott and burned it, before receiving another one a week later revealing her death. This devastated Vanderbilt, and she still regrets not being with her on her deathbed. She then talks about the designer jeans she started creating and the good and bad outcomes of the business in her name. She tells Cooper that she likes to use money to help others and provide independence but does not worship it like Naney, who never let her help her monetarily, preferring to live simply while her stocks increase. Cooper relates to this desire, which Vanderbilt finds amusing.

They talk about Carter’s suicide, which devastated them both. Though they grieved in different ways, they came together as mother and son to heal from this loss. Vanderbilt thanks Cooper for being honest about his concern over her drinking bouts through the years, and he is glad that she has stopped drinking. He tells her that he realizes he is more like her, but she disagrees; she claims that he is more like his father, as his father’s love and support helped him become the man he is despite his father dying when he was only 10. Vanderbilt explains that she has made peace with the loss and pain in her life by forgiving herself and others.

Cooper then notices how Vanderbilt recounts the past more than she used to, while he thinks primarily about the future. Vanderbilt states that as she approaches the final stage of her life, she is still not ready to die, but she is becoming more at peace with death. After Cooper asks, she recalls a song Edith Piaf Naney used to sing about having no regrets. Cooper says he is not sure if anyone has no regrets, saying he has many, including not talking to Carter more about their feelings. Vanderbilt then says that she regrets many things and shares a letter she wrote to her younger self, telling her to make different choices. They then come onto the topic of hope for good things. Vanderbilt believes that one should always hope for good times and wonderful events, but Cooper says he prefers to be ready if those good things do not happen and be able to survive regardless. They accept that both attitudes are valid. Vanderbilt shares a letter for Cooper to re-read after her death, encouraging him to start a family with his partner and expressing her pride at who he has become.

After their year-long conversation ended, Cooper took Vanderbilt to see a movie for her 92nd birthday instead of having a celebration because she is now celebrating every day of life. He remembers how they started seeing movies together after Wyatt’s and Carter’s deaths, not even celebrating holidays for a while after Carter’s death. Once the movie ended, they briefly talked about it as they walked back to her apartment, but they said nothing else because they know each other well now.