Vampire Academy

Rose considers her long, dark hair to be an emblem of herself and her heritage, linking it back to her unknown Moroi father, whose looks she inherited, and to her understanding of herself as someone with romantic or sexual appeal. This latter understanding of her hair, as something that affords her beauty, plays into Rose’s complicated sense of self as viewed through the lenses of gender presentation and her future role as a guardian.

As Rose notes throughout the novel, female guardians are in short supply, and her status as a guardian is therefore a point of pride for her as well as a practical measure. Female dhampirs who do not become guardians are typically consigned to doing sex work for Moroi, a role that is socially denigrated. However, as Dimitri notes, such a life is not as bad as hearsay would have it appear, given that these communities are also tight-knit and supportive families. Because this latter role is intertwined with the way dhampir women are fetishized in vampire culture, Rose’s decision to portray herself as a comparatively sexless guardian allows her to earn social approval. However, this approach also cuts her off from a side of herself that experiences sexual and romantic desire and longs to be desired in return.